• The New York Times
"Flattery will get you nowhere, or so they say. It hasn't always been the case. In fact, as Richard Stengel magnificently demonstrates (do I overstate?), ingratiation has been a fundamental, perhaps an evolutionary aim of most social behavior and polite speech. ''You're Too Kind'' embraces the history of flattery from its origins in encomiums engraved on Egyptian tombs to the demagogy of the Presidential Point (presidents, beginning with Reagan, Stengel notes, pretend to pick out a familiar face in the crowd and nudge the wife, who also points and smiles: our rulers flatter us by appearing to be just like us, ''actually having friends''). Moving from Yahweh's need of flattery to the candor of Greece and the obsequiousness of Rome on down to Dick Morris and Bill Clinton, who flatters his interlocutors by intently listening, Stengel is able triumphantly to conclude (am I reaching too high?) that flattery is more pervasively present than ever, although disguised and venally debased in these relativizing times, in this age of irony. "
—Richard Klein, The New York Times, September 10, 2000

• The New York Observer
"Stengel starts his book by sketching out two fascinating and fundamental propositions about flattery, and they allow him to build a work that, while lively to the point of occasional glibness, is analytically penetrating and theoretically sound. He offers a deft definition. Flattery is, he says, not just any praise and not generally empty or false praise. It is "strategic praise, praise with a purpose." Flattery is not about lying but about currying favor, which is often best accomplished by giving the object of the flattery a carefully marshaled, casually presented and unexpected but truthful compliment. (This definition is a kind of flipside to Alan BennettÕs remark about false modesty: "All modesty is false," he said. "Otherwise itÕs not modesty.")
—Adam Liptak, The New York Observer, July 10, 2000

• Salon
"A witty, saavy guide to the age-old art of strategic sweet-talking."
—JoAnn Gutin, Salon, June 16, 2000

• Contentville
"It was the cover of You're Too Kind: A Brief History of Flattery, by Richard Stengel, that made me pick it up. But it was Stengel's introduction that made me keep reading. You're Too Kind hooked me from the first hello, and it's not because of the blatant flattery that Stengel dishes out. He deals with a range of issues about compliments, posing questions such as, "Do you know how to flatter?" And he offers fascinating trivia, like the fact that chimpanzees were the first to learn the art of flattery. Readers will find advice on when to use flattery to their advantage and on how to compliment "without getting caught." This is a wonderfully entertaining book."
—Robin Stringer, Contentville, May 29, 2000

• Washington Post
"All of which should make it clear -- especially to you, gentle and quick-witted reader -- that Stengel has written not merely a popular history of flattery but also a guide to its employment. He does the latter with tongue slightly in cheek -- yet the truth is that his counsel, and that of many others whom he quotes, procably can be used to good purpose. If you must flatter -- and there are times when flattery is clearly the wisest course --- then by all means do it well."
—Jonathan Yardley, Washington Post Book World, June 11, 2000:

• The Washington Times
"The book has many delights and charms. Ben Franklin is credited with being 'the original American spin doctor.' Mr. Stengel appoints Dale Carnegie as Franklin's modern counterpart...Reading this one wonders what fun Mr. Stengel could have with other human habits of disposition, say calumny. But he is too good natured for that. And in the end one remembers how he concludes his introduction. 'Given the choice of living in a world without praise or one with too much, I would unhesitatingly choose the latter. What a joyless world a world without praise or flattery would be.'"
—The Washington Times, July 2, 2000.

• Forbes FYI
"We all want to be liked," Stengel writes. "We all want to be appreciated. Flattery almost always hits its target because the target--you, me, everybody--rises up to meet it." Surely any area of human behavior so widespread, and so integral to our daily lives, deserves its own well-researched, thoughtful and often downright funny historical analysis. It's not mere flattery to state that Richard Stengel has delivered such a book. Readers--especially the supremely sophisticated, highly intelligent, not to mention physically attractive readers of Forbes FYI--will enjoy it immensely.
—Forbes FYI, May, 2000

• Elle
"From ancient Egypt, where 'after-death flattery' was even more crucial than sucking up to pharaoh, to modern Hollywood, where 'Hey, you look great' has replaced 'How are you?' Richard Stengel traces the history of 'strategic praise' in You're Too Kind, an amusing and erudite analysis that concludes that flattery's benefits outweigh its costs."
—'Reading: Elle recommends...' Elle, June 2000

• Library Journal
"Charting the uses of flattery and the social contexts in which it is used from biblical times to the present, Stengel illustrates that more than mere praise, flattery is praise with a motive, be it benign or grasping. In his introduction, Stengel admits that some of the examples of flattery throughout the ages that he chooses to describe may be more inclusive than exclusive for some tastes (in the humorous chapter about the God of the Old Testament, he argues that the 'insecure' God craves adulation from his chosen people) but his expansive view of flattery doesn't diminish the fun. Beware: After reading this book, you may look at the subject of strategic praise in a whole new light, and it may not be a flattering one, either. Enjoyable and informative."
—Kimberly L. Clarke, Univ. of Minnesota Libs., Minneapolis. May 15, 2000

• Publisher's Weekly
"Flattery is one of the most basic of our base instincts -- after all, it is calculated truth-twisting for personal gain. This cultural history is a genial, witty and engaging account (honestly!) of human foibles, relationships and social conventions by New Yorker contributor and Time senior editor Stengel. The author draws on an expansive array of sources to illuminate his subject change as civilization has evolved.... Stengel is at his most perceptive when he explores the presence of flattery in American culture. While the Puritans had little patience with or use for flattery, it came to have a more pronounced role by the early 20th century. Stengel is especially strong in his analysis of Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, which, he claims, successfully attached the Protestant work ethic by promoting slick flattery over hard drive and toil. This is a work of insightful social criticism."
—Publisher's Weekly, April 10, 2000

• Kirkus Reviews
"A comprehensive, humorous, and insightful history of man's sycophantic behavior. Time editor Stengel directs his account to the 'perfect, gentle reader' (i.e., you and me) and declares that he has an 'emotional gratuity' for reviewers. That's a point or two in his favor, of course. While he takes the subject seriously, his underlying tone is often facetious, and he is aware of the vulnerability of most of us to the victimless crime of brownnosing. In fact, that is his whole point. Stengel's study is structured as a recap of human history, paying particular attention to the power struggles that provoke flattery. He begins with a prehistoric study of the fur-smoothing, flattening (thus flattering) rituals of our social-climbing simian forebears. ...By New Testament times, Stengel sees Christ's golden rule as a utilitarian invitation for the kind of mutual socialization that supports flattery. ...Well past classical times, the author follows flattery's major role in the sparring between sexes as well as the social classes. Hen then makes an elaborate case for the 12th century troubadours as the true founders of the Romantic sweet-talk that still dominates our culture. ...As Stengel moves on to the nonaristocratic New World ("flattery in America was seen as unmanly"), we are introduced to self-reliant men like Emerson who declare independence and immunity from puffery. Nevertheless, Andrew Carnegie made friends and influence people with flattery. Stengel even describes the Friar's Roast as an ironic form of flattery. A highly readable history."
—Kirkus Reviews, May 15, 2000